I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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