I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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