I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
