Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
