I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
