So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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