i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Enjoy the penises
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
