my being single is dangerous.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
