People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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