Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
