goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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