I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
