youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
