You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
