my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
