remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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