At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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