He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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