I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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