Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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