i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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