I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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