My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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