I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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