I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
