ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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