Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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