the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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