After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
even my farts smell like vagina
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
