It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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