I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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