I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
