I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
