i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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