God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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