I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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