I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
