So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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