he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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