all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
