Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
