Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
