STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
