I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize