You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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