I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
bring money and cleavage
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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