Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
