Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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