what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
