Umm I'm too high to move.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
