sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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