I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
not ubering you a puppy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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