babies were throwing up all over the place
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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