Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
