I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize