Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
