Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
