If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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