I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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