She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
