I'm going to jail i love you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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