dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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