You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
