This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
