I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
