My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
