You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
