Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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