I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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