You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
