If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
