my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
