All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I skipped work to stalk him.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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