Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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