You made me cry and you don't even care
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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