I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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