just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This house was built for laser tag.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
